So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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