remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
