he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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