You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
