I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
