i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
