i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
