Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
