When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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