All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
