Plan B is the new Plan A
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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