I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
