I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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