why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
