I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
