Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
