1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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