the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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