Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
