My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
