Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
