hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
