We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
