oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i out mim tonsoeep
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