you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
