Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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