is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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