i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
