i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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