hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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