i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
