Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
