Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
