i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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