I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
