not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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