So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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