I wish I only lived at night.
barbara walters just said penis...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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