by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have aggressive nipples.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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