i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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