The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
