my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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