just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
