I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
