After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
