There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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