Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
