I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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