I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
