I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
